had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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