One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
