Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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