I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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