You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
