Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He did a backflip because drugs
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
