I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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