as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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