He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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