Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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