Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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