this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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