woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Bring me that man meat
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
