yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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