Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
