I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
