I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
