he wants to bone in the snuggie
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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