There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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