I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just threw up on my dentist
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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