Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
