I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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