I feel like abortions should bother me more
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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