how can u be prego again
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
