Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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