I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
