Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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