Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
