google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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