i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
