I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
