I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
