Soap is not a condiment
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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