halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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