Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
