I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
