I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
