I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
