i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
