hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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