Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
