Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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