Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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