You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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