chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
