dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
