Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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