plz talk dirty to me
I met the friendliest cop last night
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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