boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
