Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
