lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
