I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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