she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
